BREAKING NEWS: Tracks made by a guzzleslug emerging from the ocean have been discovered on a beach in North Klah. Until the tracks were discovered this morning, the guzzleslug was thought (and secretly hoped by many) to be extinct. Those of us over a certain age will still remember the dreadful days when guzzleslugs were numerous and many beaches were declared unsafe for swimming, for the guzzleslug's favourite thing to do is guzzle, and its favourite thing to guzzle is clothing. Swimmers were regularly caught out and forced to scamper home in skimpy outfits, or sometimes no outfits at all, traumatising generations of children. Residents of North Klah are advised to remain vigilant, and preferably wear pants made from metal or hard plastic for the time being.