Captain Lilith, the well known seafaring celebrity + pirate heroine was recently awarded the prestigious Queens Award for Piratical Services to the Kingdom, in recognition of her brave and fearless capture of 72 Magnet-Fingered, Saw-Toothed Pirate Squid. The crew of mischievous squid have been terrorising the seas of Klah for many years by slithering under ships and using their magnet fingers to draw out metal chests of treasure, expensive iron frying pans, electric guitars, several thousand sets of tweezers and passengers with too many fillings. All this bounty is drawn out through holes they have nibbled in the hull of the boat using their saw teeth, and thus the boat normally sinks without so much as a good deck brawl.
“Terrible pirating practice” says Captain Lilith. “It’s cheating, and not in an acceptable piratical fashion either. The scallywags were difficult to catch – every time I got near, my cutlass was whipped out of my hands and my canons malfunctioned. In the end I used a pandemonium of parrots, assisted by monkeys riding on their backs to drop a metallic net on the scoundrels. That snaffled them jolly good.”
Captain Lilith travelled to Vamoose Province to receive the award, which is represented by the famous Fork Medallion & Crown (pictured). The fork – which is believed to be the first major invention in Klah, and has been useful for a number of things over the years, from letter-opening to back-scratching and even spaghetti-guzzling – is used here to symbolise the usefulness of the Captain’s immense contribution to the Kingdom of Klah.
Above: Captain Lilith poses in her prestigious jewels after the awards ceremony (Photo: Nina van der Voorn)