Those of you outside of Klah may be unfamiliar with the festivities of Klahmas on December 25th, a national holiday where citizens gobble large quantities of small cakes, dance the Jangjilly jive and give each other magnificent gifts such as ear-trumpets, spangly hoof-warmers & chocolate flavoured salad servers.
The Jangjilly Jive is an important part of the celebrations, and for weeks beforehand, citizens begin doing warm up stretches in preparation, and tailors make a fortune repairing ripped pantaloons as people overestimate their athletic abilities.
The Kingdom of Klah has received several letters from citizens concerned that they can’t remember the correct order of Jive moves, and relaying horror stories of poorly timed kicks knocking cakes and hats and great-aunts flying, so we asked renowned dancer Horatio Simpopple to provide a demonstration of the traditional dance:
The Mark of the Citizens of the World, which welcomes those migrating, and those that have to leave their homes for various reasons. Beyond entrances displaying the sign, such people can expect to find compassion and assistance for their difficult journey. Although Klah is home to a magnificently diverse population that has historically always been equal regardless of the shape of their hands or the colour of their flippers, and who have always been free to flow from home to home just as a river changes course – more recently there has been some unpleasant discussion on the movement of peoples, an ugly muttering with the potential to spark a fire of fear and burn Klah to the ground. This tension has been brought on by environmental events such as the mysterious drainage of southern sea caves, as well as conflicts in the east between Evergreen and Deciduous trees, who cannot seem to agree on life philosophies, and has resulted in the displacement of many creatures.
The ancient Mark of the C.o.t.W has experienced a dramatic comeback recently, as citizens everywhere employ it in a commendable effort to visibly counteract the ugly mutterings and embrace their fellow siblings of Klah. “My heart feels swizzlated whenever I see the Mark”, says Engelbert Boterham, a young tree-dwelling citizen displaced by the eastern conflicts, on the road to a new home of unknown destination. “I have always believed the gloriousness at the heart of Klah is the understanding that all walks of life have hopes, and dreams, and feelings. People were letting these mutterings fog their minds of this equation, and its answer, compassion. To me the Mark shines back through like a glorious beacon, and I jig when I see it, which means I’m now jigging a lot, which is also fantastic.”
Snacklehoc Lagoon, East Klah. Here you can see the famous Log of Stardom (now fallen). The log became famous in the '50s after 3 separate individuals accidentally brushed against it and later all became celebrities, and it was believed this was due to the log. Since then there has only been one other case of the log creating a star - itself.
Raymond had always been terrified of kittens. His elbows shook with fear when he heard the sound of meowing, his hands became clammy at the thought of their whiskers, and several times he jumped into the arms of unsuspecting strangers when he encountered cats in the street. He had nightmares about thousands of kittens holding paws and singing songs about rainbows. One day he met the girl of his dreams, Ramona R. Ramspittle. Ramona had magnificently silky eyebrows and an equal fondness for badminton. Raymond daydreamed about the two of them in matching badminton costumes, leaping around with tiny racquets and tremendous agility,...
Sir Ronald Dolphin, the renowned scientist and philosopher, going to great lengths to test his theory that hedges are indeed capable of complex thought patterns. As part of his experiment he has had himself turned into a suburban hedge for 12 days and will be conducting a lecture on his findings in June.